big girls don't gossip

Last night's episode of Pretty Little Liars was really just a stepping stone into the amazingness that will occur next week (i.e. Mona finally getting her ass beat) but before we jump ahead, let's discuss last night! 

As with every PLL episode, the girls are trying to untangle all of the mysterious threads of Ali's life. Coffee always seems to be involved in these pow-wows. Jason comes in and tells them that Ali is going to be buried again and he wants the girls to come to a small ceremony. Spencer is like...

 She is still somehow only voice of reason despite recent events. Alison was pretty much a sucky human being and isn't a saint now that she's dead.




When will these girls realize that Alison was like the WORST ever?

Anyways, the rest of the PLL and Jason are left wondering what the hell Spencer's problem is. I really don't understand how these girls haven't figured out that something is seriously wrong with their friend. But instead of trying to find out, they decide to go after Wilden aka Ali's suspected baby daddy. The fact that Emily thinks the pic of him at Cape May that summer is still there is laughable.

Spencer is still meeting up with the P.I she hired last episode and he tells her that Toby bought $65 worth of hydrangeas (which we know definitely aren't for Spencer) then he skipped town. He also found out that the A-key opens a door to a space somewhere downtown. But for more info, Spencer will have to offer a little more encouragement a.k.a dolla dolla bills. She doesn't commit just yet, but we all know that with her mix of absentee parents and an unlimited trust fun it'll be pretty easy to pay off Creeper P.I.




Meanwhile, Caleb is having issues letting go of the past and Aria is having issues letting go of the fact that Ezra basically left her to be with his maybe baby mama. Oh and Wes is around and it's pretty much obvious that Aria is going to hook up with her boyfriend's brother. If this was Secret Life, I'd be down. But it's not so *yawn*

Spencer is trying to stay as sane as possible but it's really hard when you have assholes like Mona all up in your girl. Mona basically cornered Spence at her locker and started talking about their upcoming debate competition. The look Spencer gave Mona when she touched her arm...priceless.


(dear Spence in happier days)

But Mona doesn't back down, she goes for the jugular. She drops "A" references and then says "I'd hate Toby to come all that way for you, only to be left cheering for me".

I present my seven stages of emotion to that scene.

ONE: ABSOLUTE SHOCK AT HER NERVE


TWO: OH NO THIS BITCH DIDN'T!





TWO: I WANNA JUMP THROUGH MY TV RIGHT NOW!




THREE: I'LL CUT HER!





FOUR: YEP, STILL ANGRY





FIVE: WHY IS SPENCER JUST TAKING IT?



SIX: OK, CAN SOMEONE PUNCH MONA PLEASE?




SEVEN: I CAN'T WAIT FOR SPENCER TO GET HER ASS!

Yeah, like I said before, I cannot wait for Spencer to attack Mona.

Emily goes to the police station to look at the picture of Wilden and it's gone (duh) but also comes across one of the postcards she put in Ali's casket. It was in her mom's bag, which I find sketchy as hell.   She enlists Spencer's help in translating the French on the back of the postcard--an obvious message from A.  And even though Spencer is on a one-way train to craytown, her French is still impeccable. Snap snaps all around.

The card reads "Stop digging! Because the Police know it is you who is capable of murder!". Yes we all know that Emily killed "cousin" Nate in self-defense (reminder Em...not ALL black people are related) so she decides to visit the good (or is she) Dr. Sullivan to finally learn to deal with the fact she took someone's life.  Dr. Sullivan hypnotizes Em and instead of taking us back to the night she killed night, it's the night Ali disappeared. And we're led to believe that Emily was the one who killed Ali. The promos weren't screwing with us on that one. So yea...Emily...prime suspect #1?




In Whocaresland, Aria and Wes are bonding on their similarly f'd lives. Hanna convinced Caleb to say goodbye to his childhood home only to come in contact with his "Uncle" JAmie and it's sooooo obvious that he's Caleb's daddy but they drag this storyline on because the writers hate us and want us to suffer. Basically this is how I felt the whole time


I just want more of Troian Bellisario's impeccable acting please! Is that too much to ask for?

Luckily (for viewers, not for her), Spencer descends farther into madness as she decides to offer Creeper P.I. enough "encouragement" to find out exactly what door the A-key opens. He tells her the location and asks what she expects to find. Spencer says if she thinks what's in the space he still loves her and everything they went through wasn't a lie. "But if not? "the P.I. asks. Spencer doesn't know. "Then maybe it's time to let him go" Damn...deep stuff.



Unfortunately for Spencer, the A-lair was completely cleared out. I was initially confused by what she hoped to find, but my friend told me that if it wasn't clear then Toby didn't tell anyone Spencer knew and was keeping her secret. But it seems as if the entire discovery was planned. Toby is deliberately breaking the poor girl's heart. She breaks down and I can't help but feel her pain...


So she shows up at Ali's 2nd (3rd, 4th??) memorial and drops a HUGE bomb on Jason by telling him Ali was pregnant when she died and Wilden is the father! He naturally storms out, probably to go search for Wilden and the rest of the girls are looking at Spencer like...



I actually can't blame them for freaking out on her. That was totally unnecessary and uncool. I honestly think Spencer is unknowingly lashing out at Jason because of his ties to Mona. To make matters worse, she discovers what Toby did with all those hydrangeas he bought; they were on his mom's grave. So she decides to scratch his name into her plaque with the A-key. Looks like crazy Spencer has finally come to play. Totes disrespectful, but can you really blame her?

Meanwhile, the world's dimmest friends are trying to figure out what happened to Spencer to make her go off the deep end. Emily says that she can't get in contact with Toby to ask him what happened. So it might not be totally obvious that Toby betrayed Spencer but it IS obvious that she's not just going through the motions after a normal breakup. Ugh, sometimes these girls make me tired.



But Emily does have another flashback as they are leaving the memorial and she realizes that she mixed up her memories. The "memory" she had in Dr. Sullivan's office was really a mixture of memories including the night Ali's body was dug up. So she didn't kill Ali. I really didn't understand how she figured that anyways so I'm gonna go with the theory that the "Good" Doctor really isn't that good. She shady. But we basically find out that someone has been overseeing all of the A-team's activities and she looks like this



"She's the boss" Emily says. So now we finally know that the mysterious "blonde" in the red coat is the ringleader of the A-team! I can't wait to find out who it is. So what are your theories and thoughts about this week's episode of Pretty Little Liars?

This is really all I have to say about next week.

Bring on the Spencer/Mona catfight!!!

The episode picks up after the explosive events of the Summer finale and the PLL are getting ready for a Halloween Party that's taking place on a train (?) Cool concept but probably not the best idea for these danger prone ladies. But before we get to the main action on the train, we are given two little tidbits.

1. Garrett, who's fresh outta jail, stops by the Hastings Manor to give flowers to Not-Mariska Hargitay and runs into Spencer. He tells her that he finally wants to admit what he knows about the night Ali died. But they are interrupted by Toby and Garrett skedaddles. Toby being the creepy backstabbing double agent bf that he is warns Spencer to stay away from Garrett,  but we can assume that Spence is not going to drop it. She is definitely the nosiest out of the bunch.

2. Ezra was being super sketch towards Aria. He suddenly backs out of their plans to go to the Halloween train party together with some half-assed lie I didn't care to remember. I personally think he was going to see Maggie, but who knows? I'm kinda over their relationship and I still want Aria to hook up with the younger Fitz(gerald).

...oh and Mona plans on making another jail break. But we knew this wouldn't be Halloween without Rosewood's resident cray cray trying to stir up some trouble.

When it gets time to finally board the train, it looks like everyone in Rosewood is going on this excursion. Including Jenna (dressed as a one-eyed Pirate...hahahaha) and Noel Kahn i.e. Rosewood's creepiest couple evarrrr. They act like assholes as usual, so there's nothing new there. 

And now the real fun begins. All Aboard Bitches....

I must say the PLL crew did amazing and I loved loved the costumes and the set, but I'm still not 100% sure why they had Adam Lambert on the episode. They were getting into WB/CW territory with the musical guest stars that interject themselves to the episode. This ain't Karen's Cafe....Anyways...Caleb shows up dressed like the Phantom of the Opera, Lucas abandons his post as old-timey photographer, and someone is wandering around the party with the creepy baby doll mask from the last Halloween episode (seriously what is it with that mask??? It is SO creepy).

Turns out it's Garrett behind the baby doll mask and he basically kidnaps Spencer to tell her the truth about what really happened that night. We find out, in a flashback, that Garrett and Jenna left Ian and Melissa in Ali's room to fight it out. Ali was lurking in her backyard when Garrett and Jenna came out of the house and almost got into a bitch on blind cat fight with Jenna! Garrett intervenes and threatens Ali with a hockey stick (I presume it's the one Toby "found" in the Hastings' back yard). He whacks the tree behind Ali a few good times which leads Jenna to believe he killed her (?) Ali convinces him to lie and Jenna really does believe she's dead! So Jenna thinks that Ali has been dead this whole time!!! So I'm pretty sure that she can't be on the A-team. But wait! There's more! Garrett tells Spence that he came back to the scene to check on Ali and he found her in a pretty heated conversation with none other than BYRON MONTGOMERY!!!! I screamed aloud at that point. It is very possible that Bryon was the one Ali was blackmailing (hence the 50 g's hiding in her room) or there could be a more sinister explanation. I think that they were involved in some way. We already know that Byron has a thing for younger blondes and Ali likes older men...who's to say she didn't like them MUCH older? It also explains her obsession with Lolita. I think this could be real thing guys. But there you have it, more information on the night Ali disappeared! Garrett tells Spence that he always liked her the best out of the girls and tried to protect her, but he underestimated things. Then he promises he's going to disappear for good. Umm...foreshadowing much???

Meanwhile, Aria is gazing longingly out of the window dreaming of her beau when someone in a Queen of Hearts mask slips something into her drink. Ruh roh Aria, looks like it's finally your turn to be tortured by the A-team. While Aria is being kidnapped and tortured (?) off-screen, Spencer gets attacked by the Queen of Hearts and Hanna gets felt-up by someone who is not Caleb (her assailant was wearing the same Phantom mask, with a mask that looked like Ali underneath!) ! And sorry, but the Spencer attempted murder scene was the weakest scene of the night to me. Spencer is basically getting her Ivy-League bound ass handed to her and she doesn't fight back! You think these girls woulda learned some self-defense moves by now! She's about to be choked to death when Paige steps in and saves the day! (Although it was totally awks when I realized that I thought Paige was Caleb at first...oops!) After Spencer gets her shit together, the girls finally learn the value of the buddy system and they begin a frantic search for Aria...who they just noticed was missing. One cryptic text message from A later, the girls are in full panic mode. 

Aria wakes up locked in a crate and flips her shit, like any normal person would. She manages to tip the crate over in her efforts to escape, but poor thing makes a shocking discovery. Turns out she's been locked in the box with a newly murdered Garrett! I know we've been saying Aria has had it easy the past two seasons but this is an extreme way to induct her into the A-team torture scheme. She is going to need hours of therapy after this. To make matters worse, she hears to people (who's voices I don't recognize) trying to push her and corpse Garrett of the train! She frantically searches for anything to save her,  finds a screwdriver (?) and stabs one of her would be killers. They run off, just in time for the rest of the gang to find her and dead Garrett. You know, all of these girls are going to need psych help after all the dead bodies they've seen!

The train finally reaches the end of the line and the girls are once again being questioned by the cops, whom I'm going to assume are just as incompetent as the Rosewood P.D. Interestingly enough, Ezra (?) shows up out of nowhere with some whack excuse but I really don't think he had anything to do with Aria's ordeal; he seemed genuinely relieved that she was ok. I think it was guilt because he was off visiting his baby-momma while his girlfriend was about to be killed by some crazies. I could be wrong though.

Noel and Jenna try to start some shit (am I the only one that wanted Jenna to get bitch slapped again?) and Noel ends up getting into a scuffle with Toby. They knock over the drink station only to reveal there's been a body bag chilling among the drinks all night! And it looks to be the same bag that contains Ali's missing body!  Looks like everyone is going to need a little therapy after this episode. 

Before we get to the end credits, we find that Mona is safely tucked away in her bed at Radley, with the Ali mask hiding underneath her bed. If she was the one feeling up Hanna, that really gives frenemies a brand new meaning. And last but not least, we see a hand grasping through the dirt, solidifying the fact that Ali was buried alive! Can you say CREEPY??????

So what did you think of last night's episode? I know I can't wait until January so we can learn more!

-Did anyone notice how quickly Jason chased after Lucas at the party? Are they working together??? 

-I think the other liars believe Garrett about Aria's dad and Aria is going to be understandably pissed. 

-Who was trying to push Aria off the train? The voices sounded completely foreign to me? So maybe it was character's we haven't met yet. And if it was say Lucas or Mona, wouldn't they have a wound from where Aria stabbed them with the screwdriver? Or maybe it was Cece? She was noticeably absent in this episode, which is strange especially since she was all over the web series. 

-I think it was Lucas behind the Phantom/Ali mask. We all know he's madly in love with her and would basically jump at any chance to feel her up with no consequences.

-Who was who on the A-team tonight? We've got two masked characters and the disembodied voices of the ones trying to throw Aria off the a-train. My theories are all over the place and I would love to hear your thought.

-The creepy ghost girl that showed up at Hanna's house, is the same girl from last year's Halloween special. I think it's a hint that Ali really does have a twin.

J.Alyce's theories:

So, what do you guys think? Who do you think the betrAyer will be and who dies?

We will be back with a recap tomorrow and hopefully J. Alyce will still have her left baby toe.