big girls don't gossip

So I know it's been a while [[i'm sorry bebes...school has just started]], but I could not resist posting about this video of Anderson Cooper. For all of you that don't care know, Heidi Montag performed [[that term should be used very loosely]] at the 2009 Miss Universe Pageant. She's basically trying to copy Brit Brit circa the 2000 VMAs with the striptease and the flesh colored body suit that looks like Edward Cullen just sneezed all over it. They say imitation is the best form of flattery, but if I were Brit Brit, I would hunt this skank down and bitch slap her with my nasty weave. No one can pull of the flesh colored bodysuit but Britney! Nobody!

Basically it was a hot mess...acutally hot mess does not even begin to describe the trainwreck that took place. Girlfriend did not have her lip syncing down and her "dance" moves were TERRIBLE! I'm pretty sure anyone with half of a brain cell could do those moves. It kind of reminded me of that old school Disney movie called Pixel Perfect, where the singer girl was "dancing" and it basically a bunch of twirls and sh*t. Well Heidi nailed that! Anyways, I digress, in the video below Anderson Cooper basically asks "who the f is this bitch?" ok so maybe not like that but he might as well have.

Coops, be prepared for Heidi to call you out on Ryan Seacrest's show and say you're a bad bad man and women shouldn't feel safe around you. Al Roker also called this irrelevant famewhore out and that's what she said about him.

Kourtney Kardashian is gonna be a momma!!!! She as spilled the beans herself in an interview with ENews! She's not saying who the father is, but we can all guess it's her sketchy on and off boyfriend Scott Disick that can sometimes be seen on her E! Show, Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

If you're dying to know if she shares any more info, check out her newest show, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, which airs on E! this Sunday! I definitely want to see how Khloe reacts! Expect a bunch of f-bombs!!

UPDATE: Kourtney has confirmed that the baby daddy is her ex-bf Scott Disick. She claims she forgot to take her birth control and now she's knocked up. Meanwhile, Maury is pissed that he didn't need to be called in to conduct a high-drama on air paternity test. Don't you fret Maury, people are still dying to know who are the real parents of MJ's kids...so there's hope for you yet.

The Teen Choice Awards were filmed this past weekend and when I saw this article on eonline, I knew that the kiddies from ages 11-19 really might be a little braindead. Twilight took most of the awards home **big shocker there** but it's the actual awards the film won that has me cringing in my ergonomic desk chair. For instance, the lovely and talented surefire star on the rise [note the dripping sarcasm in my typing] Kristen Stewart took home Best Actress.

Yes, Kristen Stewart.

Now don't be alarmed we are not talking about the Oscars or the Golden Globes here but it's still a WTF moment? Stewart was up against St.Angie for her role in Changeling [she did amazing but kids don't care if Brad's not in it or if she's not shooting someone], Beyonce for her role in Obsessesed [I would have actually been OK with this because B kicked Ali Larter's ASS in this movie and that one scene makes the Lace-wig diva worthy of a big surfboard], Frieda Pinto for her role in Slumdog Millionaire [ya'll already know how I feel about her! I love her!] and Nicole Kidman for her role in Australia [I heard it wasn't her best work but it's Nicole Kidman for goodness sake!]. So this goes to prove that kids will follow the trends even despite the talent [or lack thereof] of the nominees. It makes sense though, Twilight is bigger than anything we've seen in a long time and the little kiddies are going to go for what makes sense. Stewart's character was canoodling with possibly the hottest and most romantic vampire of all time, R.Pattz won for Best Actor, so it makes sense to bring her along for the ride...no matter how dry her acting was. Now I'm not going to lie, I am not a fan of Kristen Stewart as Bella and I admitted that in the first 15 minutes of watching Twilight. She's just too dull in my opinion and I know that many many people share my sentiments. Not trying to knock her acting skills [ok I lie] but I've only seen her in two roles...so I suppose I will give her a chance. But New Moon doesn't come out until November so until then little miss is on the chopping block.

However, Stewart's win wasn't the only LOL moment. I was browsing through the list of winners and saw that Lauren Conrad won for Reality/Variety Female for The Hills which is hilarious to me because it's THE HILLS!!! Seriously kids? Seriously? If you're gonna go all the way you better go all the way! Ya'll better chose the biggest trainwreck slutty mess that has ever graced reality television aka any of the girls from the Vh1 dating shows. I also noticed that there was alarming number of Tweeny Boppers on the winners list including woman-child Miley Cyrus' alter-ego Hannah Montanah, the Jonas Brothers, characters from Disney Movies and Shows. But it was strange because there were a few risque late-night shows like Chelsea Lately and Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List thrown in. Are these kids of 25 year olds voting here? Either way, the kiddies of America need a serious culture makeover if they are going to make it in this world. Well with the way things are going, it's looking like second rate actresses will someday upstage the true stars and Disney programming shall rule the world.

For a complete list of winners click here.

Below is the most interesting pic from the red-carpet. It's of SIXTEEN year old Miley Cyrus looking like a straight up Vegas streetwalker. But remember she loves Jesus ya'll! I've added a pic from the 2008 awards just so ya'll can do a little game of spot the virgin differences.
Update: I was surfing the net and found out that Little Miss Cyrus was also all up on the pole during her performance at the Teen Choice Awards. Monkey see, Monkey do right?
Image: AP Images

If you haven't heard, the Crimson Chin aka Jay Leno is scheduled to come back to late night to give it what its been missing...a chin-up, if you will( sorry I couldn't resist)and who has he already booked that even B. Walt hasn't pulled off yet? Mrs. Umbrella herself...Rihanna. She will be doin her first post-beat down appearance with him along with Jay-Z and Kanye West performing their new single "Run This Town" together (which isn't so bad once you get past Re-re's annoying, whiny vocals....its ok girl, you can still dress...most of the time). The talk show is set to air Sept 14 and will not be the same as his old set up. One big change...He will be STANDING UP FOR THE MAJORITY OF THE SHOW...wow. Thats reeeeaaaalllyyy cool...wonder what other amazing surprises that man will pull out of his cleft?

source:www.eonline.com

I'm not sure how this will turn out but if Hilary Duff jacks up my show this upcoming season...I'll still watch it, but I'll be angry all the way through. Thats right, ex-Disney pop tart Hilary Duff has signed on for several episodes of America's favorite show( well, really its me and my friends' favorite show, but thats close enough). Duff will be playing Olivia, a former child-star that enrolls in NYU in hopes of getting the real college experience and is roomed with Mrs. Reality Check herself, Vanessa. I also hear that Duffs character will serve as a love interest for my girl Serena...Uh-Oh....THIS should be interesting.

After three seasons of the adorable geeky-not-quite-chic Ugly Betty, there are whispers in the halls that America Ferrera's Ugly Betty is going to get a glamazon makeover!! ABC really wants to bring a new look to the show (aka revitalize ratings) and they feel the Top Model treatment for Betty is just what the Nielsen ratings ordered. According to EW.com, ABC has been conducting focus groups that have highlighted Betty's new look.

"In particular, execs are showing test audiences two scenes from early in the season, both featuring a newly glamorized Betty working at her new job as Mode’s associate features editor. In one, she’s rocking a Chanel-esque pastel pink suit; in the other, she’s sporting a short-sleeved black dress with a ruffled V-neck."

In addition to the clothes, they are also testing to see how audiences respond to a complete beauty make-over as well, including hair, eyebrows, and make-up [[gasp!! no more braces?!?!?!]]. From what I'm hearing it seems like America Ferrera will be playing Betty but looking like her natural gorgeous self. I think it's a good idea and I would love to see what they do with it, but they have to remember not to get too crazy or they risk losing die-hard fans. And you do not want to piss the fans off--Twihards are the perfect example of that.

entertainment weekly online: ausiello files